Ok, Children, You've Driven Me To This

Oh my children. I think you know how much I absolutely, totally, and wholly, love you. To a ridiculous decree. But today you've driven me here. To the bathroom. To hide for 5 minutes. Not that this is so unusual.

But maybe it was the 8 year old's "why should I care" attitude. Maybe it was the 6 year old yelling at his older brother for said attitude. Maybe it was the 4 year old dumping many cups of water all over the bathroom floor. Or the almost 3 year old shouting "I want cheesy popcorn right now!" while jumping on the couch butt naked. Maybe it is simply the fact that I am overly hormonal right now and have a lot to do in the next 30 minutes.

But here I am. And it's quiet. And I'm lonely.

You've driven me here, kiddos. To a place in my life that is almost always chaotic. To a time when "me time" is almost nonexistent.

And you've saved me from myself.

Not intentionally, of course. It's really just God using you guys to teach this mommy some good lessons. I can no longer give in to laziness. I have to rise above my own imperfections. I have to be more than me: I have to be your mom.

I can't do it on my own. I am tired. My head hurts. I am ready for a nap or a nice superhero action flick and a beer. But that's not happening. And that is so good for me. I have to put myself side and help others. Without meaning to, you guys (and, really, God) have been training me to be selfless. To rise up and serve with joy. To let the joy of the Lord be my strength. And to face not just each day, but each and every mundane moment with that strength; that joy.

Because, yes, my life is about more than me. But also about more than scraping up mud and wiping noses. It's about being faithful in all the little moments as well as the big. It's about watching the wonderful moments and storing those up in my heart. It's about praying over the men and woman you'll become and praying God leads me in raising you every day.

So I hope you see your father and I as we are. We are imperfect. We have been covered in grace. We make mistakes. We try again. We hide in the bathroom. We come back out with a smile and some applesauce. Or something.

But we always keep driving on.

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,  to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.
Jude 24-25

Cream Cheese Breakfast Pastries

Good morning-afternoon!

It's somewhere in that timeframe, I think. But with all the couch-forts, and playdough, and Legos, and kids in general, I'm not wholly sure. Coffee:thirty probably.

Anyway, so I'm making an attempt to catch up on things not really taken care of. How is that for a good quality sentence written by the daughter of an English teacher?

Ok, this would be a good time for me to get to the point.

Recipe time! I'm going to try to post a recipe a week. *mentally holding myself accountable* Here goes the first one! During VBS week I made some yummy breakfast treats and was asked for recipes. Now that it is more than a month later, I am finally getting around to it.

These cream cheese pastries can be adjusted to just about anything. They are suuuuuuper quick to throw together too. I have some strawberry-rhubarb jam in the fridge now that I made yesterday that would be great on top of these. Nutella is also wonderful. They can be made savory as well. Throw on some sun-dried tomatoes, basil, and Parmesan cheese for a yummy appetizer. So have fun!

Cream Cheese Breakfast Pastries

Ingredients:
1 box frozen puff pastry, thawed (I prefer Pepperidge Farm) or make your own
(http://www.cookwithmanali.com/easy-puff-pastry/)
8 oz cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup Mini chocolate chips
1 beaten egg
More sugar for dusting (coarse sugar is preferred but not necessary)

Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Line 2 baking sheets with  parchment paper and set aside.

2. Mix together the softened cream cheese, sugar and chocolate chips.

3.  Slightly roll out one sheet of the thawed puff pastry to make an even square. Cut into 9 even squares. Brush on a little of the beaten egg.

4. Put about a tablespoon of the cream cheese filling in the center of each square.

5. Take two opposite corners and fold them toward the middle, overlapping them. Press them together gently, just to hold them together.

6. Continue these steps for the remaining squares, and then the other puff pastry sheet.

7. Place the pastries on the prepared baking sheets, leaving room in between them. Brush on a little more egg and lightly sprinkle them with sugar.

8. Bake at 400 for 12-15 minutes until golden brown. Enjoy!

Bad Day Brownies

These are brownies that are very naughty. And very chocolatey. And you should not make them unless you know what you're getting in to. So save them for a really good day. Or, like the title says, a bad day.

I know I'm not totally normal, but on a long day where the kids are sniffly and snuffy and more cranky than usual, and I've given in to watching Lego Batman for the thousandth time, I need to bake something. Anything.

So right now I'm making cinnamon almonds, hummus, and these brownies. I just need to. It's stress relief.

Anyway, so if you need stress relief, or chocolate, or even if you don't, here are the bestest brownies. There are multiple variations of them on the web, but this is my version and therefore the best. You're welcome.

Bad Day Brownies
Makes a 9x13 pan, cut into pieces of your discretion

For the brownies:
1 1/2 cup butter
1 cup chocolate chips (semi sweet or dark)
2 1/3 cup sugar
2 Tablespoon water
1 Tablespoon vanilla
4 eggs
2 2/3 cups flour
1 1/2 cups cocoa powder (I strongly recommend Hersey's Dark Chocolate Cocoa powder. It sends the chocolate factor through the roof.)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt

For the caramel sauce:
Check out Sally's Baking Addiction for the best recipe (I often omit more than a pinch of the salt): http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/homemade-salted-caramel-recipe/
Or go ahead and buy yourself a jar of good quality caramel sauce (8 oz-ish).

1-2 cups chopped pecans
And/or extra chocolate chips, Health bits, or whatever sounds good. Toasted coconut would be great, for example.

To make:
Grease a 9x13 pan and set it aside. Preheat the oven to 375°.

Melt butter and chocolate chips together either in the microwave for 90 seconds (stir and add 30 seconds more if needed), or over medium heat on the stove top.

Stir together (in a stand mixer or by hand) sugar, water, and melted butter/chips. Stir in eggs and vanilla.

Combine flour, cocoa, banking powder, and salt; stir into sugar mixture until all combined.

Divide dough in half. Press down half the dough into prepared pan. Bake for 8 minutes.

Let cool for 10 minutes. Pour caramel sauce on top of brownies and spread to the edges. Cover with chopped pecans (or whatever other topping you want).

This is the tricky and messy part. Take the other half of the dough and spread it in an even layer over everything.
*since the dough is so thick, I took small pieces and flattened them in my hand then pressed them down in the pan.

Bake for 25-30 minutes until the layers look done (not glossy). The toothpick test won't work on these.

Cool completely, then refrigerate for at least 2 hours to allow the layers to set up.

Cut into bars and enjoy!!

Perspective

I had a friend post today about her daughter graduating soon and how, although she is happy for her and proud of her, she's sad to see her growing up and soon to be gone. Then she mentioned that she was jealous of parents with toddlers because they have so much time left with their kids. I'll come back to this.

We've spent the last week being sick. There has been throwing up that had to be cleaned. There have been runny noses that need wiping. There have been 3-4 fevers per kid. And it's not over yet. Currently 3 out of my 4 have fevers. One threw up today. One is currently complaining about a bad tummy ache. One is coughing up a storm instead of sleeping.

This is life sometimes. I have young kids. Although we are generally a healthy family (and I'm very thankful for that), we do have times where we get hit with nasty bugs. And it's usually every other month.

I'll be honest- I'm not sitting here thinking about the quality time I'm getting with my kids. I'm not being thankful for the movie marathons cuddling on the couch. I'm mostly being concerned about temperatures and drinking fluids and who is in which bathroom and please-don't-wake-up-your-siblings-they-need-to-sleep mental pleading.

I spend a lot of time putting things in perspective and being thankful that this is just a virus and nothing chronic. The kids are getting better every day and will be better soon. I'm not fond of cancelling plans, but that happens. I've got all that down.

What I don't do well with is taking the time just to be with them in their sickness. To just hold them without thinking about what I have to clean up next. To prioritize those precious minutes of snuggling with my 6 year old while he still wants me too. To see Jesus's love acted out in how I treat my children. To put my exhaustion, however legitimate it may be, aside because I care about them more than I care about myself.

If at the end of the day I can see things I could have done better, I want to make a conscious effort to do them better.

And I want to remember that it's OK to let my 2 year fall asleep on my lap and then join her while the boys watch Lilo and Stitch.